What's Going On: When children become even more exhausting

 Whenever a friend or family member who doesn’t have children invites my family to their house, regardless of the length of time, I always try to warn the unsuspecting party: Children are energy leeches. 

With three children between the ages of one-six, I’m all too familiar with the phenomenon. Similar to a parasite, children, especially the young ones, have this amazing ability to simply drain all energy from any and all nearby adults. 

I’m pretty sure it’s how they keep running around at maximum speed nearly all day. They don’t have endless pools of energy; they simply steal it from unsuspecting hosts. 

And please don’t misunderstand. This isn’t a characteristic unique to ill-behaved children. As children go, mine (knock on wood) are fairly mild-mannered and I haven’t once seen any of their cute
little heads spin 360 degrees. It’s just their nature to rob adults of their energy. 

It’s what they do. 

And as I learned last week, the only thing more exhausting than three children is going camping with three children.

It was a simple trip to Lake Icaria. It would be nothing more than a Tuesday-Friday “staycation,” free of the tedious and torturous several-hour drive to a more “exotic” locale. 

To further simplify the experience, we didn’t try anything insane like sleeping in a tent in the middle of July, as we rented a spacious cabin with beds for everyone but the one-year-old (who slept in a Pack ’N Play), a refrigerator and air conditioning. 

Despite it all, it was
arguably the most exhausting four-day experience of my life. 

I remember when reading American Sniper, Chris Kyle detailed the training associated with becoming a U.S. Navy Seal. Only a small
percentage make it through, as future Seals are subjected to brutal conditions designed to break the body, mind and spirit. 

I’d like to suggest one more exercise that would test all three components: send candidates camping with three children six and younger. If they can survive that, there’s nothing any
foreign army or terrorist
organization can throw at them that will further test them. 

I sound like I’m complaining and I really shouldn’t. As I was reminded by my wife and a friend who called me about 72 hours into the experience, the kids had a great time. And they did, filling their little memory banks with fishing, swimming, bunk beds, campfires, S’mores, hikes, Frisbees and the occasional dead animal to poke with a stick. 

With that said, I felt more relief than I should have when I literally dragged myself into the office Friday afternoon. I was a pathetic sight to see, and I’m not ashamed to admit it. 

So if you see me next week during the fair curled in up a corner catching a few winks, be nice to me: I’m really, really tired. 

Gregory Orear is the General Manager/Editor of the Red Oak Express and Glenwood Opinion-Tribune. He can be contacted at publisher@redoakexpress.com.