What's Going On: Trying desperately to avoid becoming a coffee snob/gourmet

 My wife bought me a coffee bean grinder for Christmas.

And I’m scared. 

I’ve drunk coffee for more than 20 years now. After dabbling with flavored coffees many moons ago, I’ve been drinking the same plain Jane coffee for at least the last 15. 

I rarely drink coffee from Starbucks, or any other designer coffee shop, and when I do, I usually just drink the house blend. A critic would (accurately) state I have no taste in regards to coffee. 

That’s not exactly news to me. 

I’ve been known to reuse coffee grounds, use a paper towel for a filter, and microwave something left over from the previous day. 

So yeah, I’m well aware I’m not a coffee gourmet. 

With that said though, I do especially enjoy McDonald’s coffee. Don’t know why, but I do. It just has a better flavor than what I brew at home. Of course, it costs $1.50 a cup while I can make five pots of coffee at home for the same price. 

My wife theorized I preferred McDonald’s because they ground their own beans, so she naturally thought I might enjoy doing the same at home. 

That of course reminds me of my fear of morphing into something I’ve always ridiculed: the coffee snob. 

Sure, grinding my own beans doesn’t seem like that big of a deal. But if I really like it, next thing I know, I’ll be more inclined to spend $4 on a cup of “fancy” coffee from one of the “fancy” coffee places. 

Then, I’ll want to recreate those “fancy” coffees at home, which will motivate me to buy a $150 coffee maker that makes only one cup of coffee.

I’ll officially have flipped my coffee lid when I buy my first Keurig. Their popularity with proclaimed coffee-drinkers astounds me. 

When I drink coffee, which is nearly every day, I don’t make one cup of coffee. I make a pot of it and drink two-thirds to three-quarters of it. 

What coffee drinker wants one cup of coffee, especially one that costs whatever one of those fancy packets costs?

My sister-in-law has one of the fancy $150 coffee makers, but she doesn’t like coffee. So when I asked why she got one, she said it’s because it makes hot chocolate and tea.

So in other words, she bought a $150 tea kettle. 

In light of the Keurig’s success though, I can’t help but wonder if someone isn’t developing a pizza maker that only makes one piece of pizza; a pie baking device that only bakes one piece of pie; or maybe a popcorn popper that only makes a couple handfuls of popcorn. 

Regardless, I’ll be coming in the office a little late Wednesday morning as I plan on officially trying out the new coffee bean grinder. 

Part of me hopes it will be a terrible experience and I’ll instantly want to revert back to the good old fashioned generic grocery store offerings. 

More likely I’ll be the first in line for a Keurig 3.0. 

Gregory Orear is the General Manager/Editor of the Red Oak Express and Glenwood Opinion-Tribune. He can be contacted at publisher@redoakexpress.com.