Trying to figure out how to grieve for a nemesis

I just found out a former co-worker of mine passed away this weekend after a lengthy battle with cancer.

Typically, I would be making arrangements to send flowers or at least a card to her family expressing my regrets.

But not this time as quite honestly, I didn’t like this person one little bit, and the feeling was quite mutual.

There aren’t many people in this world I truly hate, in fact, I can’t think of one. If pressed though to make such a list, this woman would have been close to the top of it.

She was mean, not to just to me, but to all of her co-workers and family as well. She was a bitter woman who did whatever she could to make others lives miserable.

I found no redeeming value in working with or knowing her, and there aren’t many people I would say that about.

Since I found out she was stricken with cancer, I found myself battling with conflicting emotions.

I wanted to feel badly for her. Feel sympathy for her plight, as struggling with cancer is one of the worst battles we can face.

But yet I can recall the numerous times when she was devoid of compassion when dealing with co-workers dealing with their own personal afflictions. As such I found it difficult to extend her those courtesies, even though I realized this made me guilty of passing judgment on another. I just couldn’t help it.

Now that she has passed away, those same conflicting emotions are surfacing again.  

I want to feel sorry for her, but can’t, and maybe that says more about me than it does her.

We are taught and well schooled in how to mourn the death of a loved one, but not so much an enemy or a nemesis such as this.

I know I’m supposed to forgive transgressions such as hers, even if unwarranted or unrequested.

I think I have done that, at least I believe I do as I don’t really carry grudges, but yet that hasn’t allowed me to feel badly, or feeling anything really, about her death.

I can feel badly for the daughter she leaves behind, whom I saw unnecessarily publicly insulted and degraded on several occasions by her mother.

But for the woman herself, I just can’t do it. It may be a shortcoming of mine and a character flaw, but I can’t seem to find a way to fix it.

Gregory Orear is the General Manager/Editor of the Red Oak Express. He can be contacted at publisher@redoakexpress.com