The Time Capsule | Roy Marshall
Editor’s note: This is the second of two parts.
My first questions for Jean Hamilton, the 95-year-old granny who promotes hot sauce with commercials in which she boasts of eating “that (bleep) on everything,” were these: Does she really use the stuff? If so, when did she start?
She admitted to not being a fan until asked to do commercials, but emphasized that she’s checked Frank’s and knows the product is good. She assured me she wouldn’t have said bleep if it wasn’t. She enjoys sports and makes hot wings to consume as a spectator. She doesn’t compete much these days. Jean said she used to play a lot of golf; was a good putter but ran out of patience as it took so long to reach the green.
Jean was eighty-six, supplementing a small retirement income by doing needlework in North Vancouver, British Columbia, when someone who knew both her and an agent looking for an elderly woman with an attitude made the referral.
Jean has the attitude—a proper lady, but one who can express an opinion in words and deeds. She told of becoming frustrated with the mechanics of a cell phone and working it over with a hammer. She’s owned one computer, which spoke a language so foreign she asked her son to come get it or she’d throw it from the balcony—and she would have.
The idea of auditioning initially didn’t appeal to her. The agent told her it would be something new; something she’d never done. She relishes an adventure, agreed, and asked what to wear. She was told her normal attire. What she normally wears when she goes to town is a nice dress, hat, gloves and a string of pearls. She got the part, was in New York City a few days later to do print advertising, then flew to London to film commercials.
She doesn’t like the s- word and, although bleeped on TV, was directed to say it. She apologized to the film crew, then let fly with the sincerity of a G.I. in the chow line.
Jean believes profanity indicates a poor vocabulary. She prefers more creative characterizations, “pismire” being a favorite, and as we spoke she employed a couple of “bloody goods” and a “dash it all.”
What did she think of Mrs. Olson and her coffee commercials? “They were good, had a message. I liked them.” What of Margaret Hamilton, who played a witch in Wizard of Oz and was Cora in Maxwell House commercials? “Small woman, wasn’t she? No relation. I wonder if I’m related to Alexander Hamilton. I loved the musical. Most of your founding fathers were British, you know.”
Do politics interest her? “Yes, but news sources are so biased they can’t be trusted. I’ve watched good people get elected and do what the party wants rather than what they promised.”
What would she do? “I’d start by getting the government out of the health care business. Bloody bad system. Disaster. I know the British government’s health care, and Canada’s. Both are terrible, with long waiting lines. We should put health care in the hands of doctors and hospitals where it belongs. Then I’d do a flat tax; 5 percent, 10 percent, whatever it takes. I was a tax assessor during World War II. Dashed bad system. Politicians created a business for tax accountants and don’t have the courage to get out of it.”
Any advice for readers? “If you’re close to retirement, think about not. Working a job you like is better than retiring, and so many retirement systems were set up for people who had four or five years to live. Now they go on like I have. The middle class pays for it. I call them the working poor, and every day fewer of them pay for more and more who aren’t working. It can’t last, and politicians won’t fix it because their interest is getting re-elected.”
Jean Hamilton is engaging, witty, and realistic. We’d talked for about an hour when she asked if I knew what a phone call to Canada cost. I didn’t, but found out.
Roy Marshall is a local historian and columnist for the Red Oak Express. Contact him at news@redoakexpress.com.