On the Side| Brad Hicks

“Mr. Hicks, thanks for speaking with us.”

“I talk to everyone, so, no problem. What’s this abou…?”

Mr. Hicks, is it true you’ve had conversations with a Russian?”

“Excuse me?”

“Have you had conversations with a Russian?”

“Well, let me think about tha…”

“Mr. Hicks, is it true you speak Russian?”

“Well, speak might be a…”

“So that’s a yes?”

“Excuse me?”

“That’s a ‘yes,’ that you speak Russian – correct?”

“As I was saying, speak might be a…”

“Yes, Mr. Hicks, we heard that.”

“Well, I don’t know what you heard, because I really didn’t get a chance to resp…”

“Now Mr. Hicks, about these previous conversations with a Russian. Do you recall when that might have occurred?”

“Well, I was thinking about that, and I guess there was a time when I had conversations with a Russian.”

“Yes, we already knew that.”

“Well, then, why did you bother to ask me about that?”

“Mr. Hicks, in this format, we ask the questions. Our integrity isn’t in question.”

“That’s what you think.”

“Excuse me, Mr. Hicks?”

“I said, ‘That’s what you think.’”

“Yes, Mr. Hicks. How do you say that in Russian?”

“What?”

“How do you say that in Russian? It is true that you speak Russian, right?”

“Well, speak might be a…”

“Mr. Hicks, we spoke with some people who know you and they verified that you speak Russian.”

“Well, who are those peop…”

“Mr. Hicks, we will ask the questions. However, just so you know, please turn your attention to the monitor. Can we get that monitor turned on? … OK, there we go. Mr. Hicks, do you know the person still-framed on the monitor?”

“Well, yeah, that’s my wife…”

“Yes, that’s enough, Mr. Hicks. We do not need to needlessly implicate an obviously innocent American in this. … OK, go ahead and play the recording.”

“So, Mrs. (Garbled), have you heard Mr. Hicks speak Russian?”

“Yes.”

“What have you heard him say in Russian?”

“He’s said ‘hello’ in Russian many times.”

“You mean ‘Здравствуйте,’ right?”

“Yes, I think that’s how it’s said.”

“And in what context did he say this?”
“Once in a while, when he came home for lunch, when he came home from the work day, when…”

“OK, Mrs. (Garbled), I think we’ve gone far enough. We don’t want to risk your identity in this.”

“Well, I don’t think you really underst…”

“That’s enough, Mrs. (Garbled). “

OK, cut the recording. Mr. Hicks, what do you say about that?”

“So, I took a year of Russian in high school. I would have told you that if you would have let me finish my …”

“Yes, Mr. Hicks. Now about this Russian fellow you…”
“Yeah, it took me a while to remember, but I spoke with a Russian. I was a reporter. He was a veteran of the Afghanistan War, who had returned to the Moscow area, only to be treated like the Vietnam vets were treated when they returned to the U.S. A bunch of Vietnam vets from the Midwest were trying to help those Russians – they were Soviet troops – get re-established at home. They were advocating to have the new Russian government …”

“So, you spoke to a Soviet military member who was also Russian?”

“Yeah, so…”

“And they were working with the Russian government, which we now know is still the Soviet government?”

“Well, working with might be a stret…”

“Mr. Hicks, this association with the Soviet soldier and Russian government is going to require further investigation. So, we need to schedule further interviews.”

“Who are you people, anyway? I mean, you…”

“Mr. Hicks, have you been watching the news about Russian involvement in our electoral process?”

“Well, yeah, but…”

“We’re the hired investigators, Mr. Hicks.”

“Investigating what?”

“Russian ties to Trump and his minions.”

“So why are you talking to me?”

“You obviously have some Russian ties, Mr. Hicks.”

“What? Who hired you? When you asked me to come here, you didn’t say…”

“That doesn’t matter. So, let set a new time. How about next...”

“Nyet.”

“Excuse me, Mr. Hicks. Did you just answer in Russian?”

“Da.”

“Mr. Hicks, you are only making the hole deeper. Was that just a slip of the tongue?”

“Not really. I just never learned to say ‘stick it’ in Russian.” 

 Brad Hicks is publisher of The Express. Reach him at publisher@redoakexpress.com.