The Montgomery County History Center | Dave McFarland

The year is 1874. We find one of local residence not enjoying the full measure of marital bliss. It seems he’s getting a chilly treatment from his wife, colder than anything to be experienced outside even considering the January weather. The only warmth to be had was from her chiding words. She had gone even so far as accusing him of being the cheapest man in the county and maybe even beyond. All this seemed to stem from the fact that in his thrift, he had not bought her a Christmas gift. He was now learning the true cost of his thrift.

In an effort to bring the spring thaw to his unhappy circumstance, he brought home a large bag of molasses candy and presented it to his wife. He knew sweets were her weakness. She immediately broke a smile and all might have been right again, had it not been for what was about to transpire.

The wife, upon taking possession of the treats, popped a large piece into her mouth and began to chew. The train was about to leave the track, for you see she had false teeth and the sticky substance immediately cemented the uppers and lowers together. No amount of struggle seemed to be able to dislodge the dentures. Her eyes were pleading and there were undecipherable pleas for help. Had the husband thought a little quicker, he could have tried to come to her aid and even perhaps made himself a hero. But no, upon seeing her predicament and the expression on her face, his response was one of laughter.

Her response was quick, a loud, muffled roar. One can only imagine what words she was trying to express. Perhaps it is better that we not know and rather just focus on her flaming red eyes as she dashed to the water bucket where she struggled to remove the plates. Having achieved that task, she turned to confront her now condemned husband, who might not be long for this world. However, she only managed to catch a glimpse of him running out the front door. According to some of the neighbors, he was not seen for several days. 

Dave McFarland writes monthly for the Montgomery County History Center.